Last night while I was tapping through Instagram stories, I came across a post that caught my attention. In typical fashion, my curiosity is piqued by words and with there being an egg at the bottom of the screen and the word “fuck” at the top, I had to stop my tapping and instead, push the screen and hold.

The title, “things to normalize during a global fucking pandemic” was a start. Then I started reading the things I’m supposed to normalize:

  • Weight gain or fluctuating weight
  • Being unproductive and unmotivated
  • Being over-productive and throwing yourself into work
  • Feeling okay one moment, then awful the next
  • Random waves of sadness or anxiety
  • Being unresponsive to messages
  • Falling off of routines and healthy habits
  • Frequently trying to distract yourself

It was less about believing this 23-year old who created a pretty graphic and more about realizing that I’m not alone. We already feel isolated because if we’re doing quarantine right, we shouldn’t be fairly isolated. The things we’re used to seeing in-person are now virtual or not at all. We’re seeing less of our friends (also literally with masks covering our faces). Businesses operate at 50% capacity, if they can operate at all. Numerous businesses have closed. Millions of people have lost their jobs. 

On top of there being a pandemic and recession, there is a social uprising in the name of Black Lives Matter. And if you’re any sort of a decent human being, you are teaching yourself about the history of slavery, why we need to end white supremacy, and are making changes in your life to support our Black brothers and sisters.

On top of a pandemic, recession, and revolution, we have a “president” who cannot President. He’s the person who lied on their resume to get a job and they just stumble through their workday hoping no one notices. Luckily for Tr*mp, he has enough people in his back pocket he’s been able to get away with everything he’s done. Hopefully, we can vote him out this year and — fingers crossed — he finally goes where he belongs: jail.

To say we’re living in unprecedented times would maybe be an understatement. Never have any of us lived through all this shit at the same time.

I am privileged in the sense that I can educate myself about everything that’s happening. I have thankfully not lost my job nor have I caught COVID. I have white privilege and have to educate myself on what Black people and people of color have experienced instead of living it myself. I can’t get away from Tr*mp but I am trying to figure out how to move to Canada if he gets re-elected.

Even with this privilege I know I have, I’m still struggling. Some days I’m super motivated to write and workout and do my job and other days I’m forcing myself to get work done and then I watch the latest thing I discovered on Netflix.

I see all these entrepreneur gurus I follow tell me that NOW’S THE TIME to hustle, to work work work, to be productive, to start the side business, to monetize your blog, blah blah blah. And I feel guilty because I’m not doing it. But at the same time, I really just want to sleep until the end of the year. But it’s this weird feeling (that I’m sure others are having although I haven’t heard anyone say it) that I feel overwhelming pressure to be productive but also an undeniable urge to veg out and do nothing because it doesn’t matter. And the constant conflict between the two are exhausting.

This internalized capitalism we’ve learned teaches us to produce more and more and if we’re not producing, we feel like we don’t have meaning. 

It’s never just quiet, you know?

Social media is a flurry of images and videos with words that tell us how to think, how to behave, what we’re doing wrong, how to fix ourselves, how to make money, atrocities going on in our world. The TV and streaming services show us mostly garbage because we’ll watch anything at this point. The internet is full of “fake news” and now some of us don’t know what’s actually the truth or not. When we go outside, we’re told to stay 6-feet away from others and to wear a mask. We deal with the idiots screaming at the top of their lungs about their rights when FTW, LGBTQIA, and BIPOC have been fighting for their rights since the beginning of time.

I don’t have any answers.

I think the most important thing is to remember that you’re likely not the only one going through what you’re going through. And at the end of the day, all we can do is our best with what we have. If your best today is rolling out of bed just in time to start the workday and going straight back to bed as soon as you’ve clocked in your required hours, let it be so.

If your best today is deciding to skip a workout and instead, binge watch Schitt’s Creek a second time, then let it be so.

If your best today is eating comfort foods, then let it be so.

If your best today is working as soon as you wake up, skipping lunch, and working until it’s time for bed, then let it be so.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself a break. Know that you’ll eventually come out of the funk but let yourself deal with everything that’s going on in a way that speaks to you, that works with you. Do what you need to feel as close to peace as possible right now.

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