Typically, I write a reflection about the past year and I guess this year is no different but also completely different.
This year I had the goal of a sub-9 Leadville 100 finishing time. I joined a new mountain bike team, RaceCo/The Bikery. I wanted to Cat up in Zwift. And I didn’t volunteer for anything to give myself a break from the constant volunteering for the past 6 or 7 years.
And then we all know what happened in March.
From this shitshow of a year, I can thankfully sit here and say I survived. 341,000 people cannot. I recognize the privilege I have that allowed me to work from home this whole time. That I have a roof over my head. That I can pay someone else to do my grocery shopping and have it delivered. The privilege to have a trainer and Zwift membership so I could stay home more and bike in place.
Being an introvert already and having just a few friends meant my lifestyle didn’t change all that much this year. Sure, maybe takeout at home doesn’t taste as good as in the restaurant. And sure, my birthday felt incredibly boring, but who the fuck didn’t have a boring birthday this year if you weren’t born in January or February?
What I learned from this very slow but very fast year is the importance and unimportance of things.
2020 made us question who we are when things are stripped away from us. Like, who was I if I wasn’t racing my bike against the other four Cat 3 womxn who showed up to a race? Who was I if I wasn’t racing my mountain bike amongst the trees? Who was I if I wasn’t training for another race?
And as officials canceled race after race, I became more and more confused. What the fuck do I do now? If I don’t have a race to train for, then what?
I think a lot of athletes wondered that this year. If we’re not racing, who are we? Are we still racers? Same as a job: If you’re no longer holding your job position, are you still that profession? And the answer is: who gives a shit? No, not really. Because I still do.
I realized that racing my bike is supposed to be for fun. It’s not my job. I don’t get paid to race my bike even though in the past, I’ve acted like it. Which is so funny looking at it now. Sure, I want to do well in a race but no one who matters cares if I’m winning, losing, or not even racing.
2020 helped me see that racing is optional. Beating myself up over shitty results is optional. What’s more important is my personal growth. Becoming a stronger cyclist in order to keep up with my friends. Being healthy well into old age. Taking care of my body for the long haul. Learning techniques on my mountain bike to be more efficient and safer. Pushing myself because once I can clear a rock feature I get a little flushed with excitement.
2020 pushed us inward, physically and mentally.
It’s made us question what’s actually important, and the rest fell to the wayside. I lost my drive to push out a new blog every week and a social media post every day after seeing what happened to George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and countless other Black lives that were lost this year. I didn’t think writing about my cycling wins and woes had a place. It felt like more important words needed to be said this year than mine. And they did.
A prominent Black voice in the cycling field is Ayesha McGowan.
And I know now that I can help amplify those voices and use my platform for good while also writing about what I enjoy. I published two blogs this year to help with that:
WTF, BIPoC, Latinx, and Asian Cycling Companies, Non-profits, and Organizations
This is a list of cycling companies, non-profits, organizations, and people in Colorado who aren’t white cis men. As I find more, I’ll add to the list.
Anti-Racist Resources For White Cyclists
I created a list of anti-racist resources for white cyclists, specifically. There were a ton of anti-racist resources for white people but of course, being a cyclist, I wanted to focus on the crew I hang around.
I continue to do the anti-racist work — which is the least I can do, honestly.
While I think New Year’s Resolutions are silly (you can make a choice to change your life any day of the year) and that these problems from 2020 will flow into 2021, I do like to look back on the year and review it. I also like to set intentions for the upcoming year.
Last year, about this time, I decided my word for the year was “No.” I wasn’t going to do something because I felt like I had to. I wasn’t going to sign up to volunteer things because I always feel the pull to do something when I want to something changed. This year was saying ‘no’ to energy-suckers, time-wasters, etc. And 2020 sort of just did that for me.
I also reviewed past goals/intentions and writing is ALWAYS in it. Either getting paid for my writing or publishing a book or working on affiliate marketing or writing more of something. And it’s funny, every year I write it as a goal, but it falls to the wayside. I did get published in Bicycling Magazine at the beginning of the year for my piece, Winning Isn’t Everything — Progress Is, which was so awesome. But then I didn’t keep up the momentum. I don’t know why.
For 2021, my word is “balance.” I pulled my tarot cards on my birthday and the biggest themes were self-love, self-care, and balance, three things I don’t do well.
Over the next few days, I’ll go through my own 2020 Retrospective, 2021 Intention-Setting. If you need some guidance, download it and fill it out on your own time. Hope it helps.
grin & grind it.
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