I didn’t want to do it, riding by myself.
I woke up early to convince myself it’d be fine if I got out before everyone else. Then I procrastinated for several hours. I couldn’t ride with anyone and Chris didn’t want to join.
It’s a love-hate relationship, really.
Riding solo is good if you want to go at your own speed, go wherever you want, and not have to talk to anyone. Sounds right down my alley. So why did it bother me to ride by myself?
I had three-and-a-half hours to find out.
After debating whether or not to jump on Zwift or go outside, I packed up everything I’d need (even grabbed the fanny pack), sprayed my face down with sunscreen, popped a piece of gum into my mouth, and waved Chris goodbye.
I didn’t have a set plan or route to go on and I like those. Chris dared me to ride with abandon. To just go outside and enjoy it.
“Who does that?” I wondered.
I pedaled down Prince St. and jumped on the High Line Canal Trail. I expected gobs of people on Mother’s Day. Then I reached the C470 Trail that led to Chatfield. I know my weakness is climbing so I took to Deer Creek Canyon.
It was around 9ish or so and I assumed the Deer Creek and Wadsworth intersection would be plagued with cyclists. It was surprisingly bare. Maybe people were spending the morning with their moms?
I chose to “just ride.” I didn’t stare at my watts or aim to be in a particular zone. It helped that my Garmin’s screen turns off automatically after three seconds. I had plenty of time to “just think” with whatever music that played in my right ear.
Why did I not want to ride by myself?
I think when we’re alone, there’s no one to distract us from ourselves. You have to listen to your thoughts (and mine are mostly mean). You have to suffer alone. And my thoughts don’t help with that. There’s no camaraderie when you’re pedaling up a canyon by yourself. Maybe with the others you see along the road.
I don’t find myself boring. Actually, I can entertain myself for hours. For some reason, I didn’t think that’d be the case climbing through Deer Creek Canyon. It’d been several months since I last tried that climb and my only recollection was that it was a slog. I remember doing it during the summer and how hot I’d get, how my legs were on fire, and I just wanted to be done. The whole climb, I wanted it to be over. But who doesn’t think that?
Climbing is only good for one thing: it gets you to the downhill.
I didn’t want to ride by myself in case something happened. In case I was hit by a car or crashed or got lost. I’m always worried about getting lost or hurt. With technology these days, I’m not sure why I’m so cautious about finding my way. Cars are another story. I’ve had close calls with them before and I always say to myself, “don’t hit me, don’t hit me,” when I hear one coming up the road from behind.
I’m not as adventurous as I once was. Let’s be honest.
There are so many of us who let our fears (as rational as they may be) get the better of us. I let the trepidation of getting lost, getting hit by a car, sitting alone with my thoughts almost keep me home. We can’t let the fear of the unknown or worst-case-scenario drive our lives.
Chris reminded me that I love my bike. It was the thing that brought me joy.
So I took the first step on to the porch after begrudgingly putting on my kit and stuffing my fanny pack. I pedaled on to Prince Street and it was a fantastic ride.
I ended up getting my second best time up the Deer Creek climb and I wasn’t focused on my watts or zones. I listened to my music. I looked at the sky. I wiped my sweat with my neck buff. I said “morning” to the people I passed and “hi” to the people who passed me.
I didn’t get bored like I thought I would. I didn’t get hurt or hit by a car. I realized the only thing that was getting in my way was my mind. The monkey brain that jumps to irrational conclusions and thoughts and isn’t the best thing to listen to.
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Loved reading this! Climbing is only good for one thing, ha! I like the way Chris encouraged you and you responded with a great ride!!
OMG – this is me when I go running by myself, which during this pandemic is way more than I ever want it to be! Yes – we all get in our minds….everyday. The great thing is we do recognize it…and then it most likely happens again. At the end of the day – just get out there!
This is very relatable — and I don’t bike.
I relate with a lot of this and whatever thing it is that I hold myself back from, but then eventually do and enjoy! Thanks for sharing!
Great post!! Inspiring for others to see we all are going through the same thing and showing how you are getting through! Thank you for sharing your journey!
This struggle in our minds is so real with so many scenarios! Yay for you for the win!
This is awesome! I’m a runner, and my family runs with me… but sometimes I just want to listen to my music and let my thoughts wander. For me, it recharges my soul… not setting a goal time or speed.. just running. Thanks for a great post!
This sounds like a perfect way to spend Mother’s Day. I get a little nervous going by myself too.
I love doing this just walking instead.
I love doing this only walking instead.
Kudos to you for just doing it! Fear and self doubt can sometimes cause us to miss out on amazing opportunities and adventures!
My husband has been talking about getting a bike for me so we can all go on family rides together. I’m the only one in our family without one. I’m not sure if I could work up to going on a ride by myself though.
I don’t like doing things alone either, so I can definitely relate to your struggle.
Good for you – it’s so hard to get out of our own way sometimes.
Ever since getting married I have struggled so much with choosing to do things by myself. If I didn’t have him to think about I feel like I would get out and get so much more exercise and eat better. I guess some time apart is good though.
I used to be super uncomfortable doing anything alone. I hated the quiet. Now I love it and crave it! Great post!
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Always a catch 22 for me – when I ask people to join me, I usually find myself wishing for the silence you get from venturing out solo.